People without anxiety just have no idea what it’s like to feel so much worry for something they “think” is so small and “not a big deal”
To me, love is what holds me together. And when I feel like I’m not wanted my heart sinks.
When I don’t feel loved, I feel like I’m not worth a damn thing.
Which turns into staying locked up in my room for 8 hours straight on a Friday night crying and trying to convince my mind not to relapse and that it’s gonna be okay.
But it’s not okay.
It hasn’t been okay since the 3rd grade when I was told I wasn’t special and nothing like they wanted me to be.
That’s when I got diagnosed with depression and I never understood why I couldn’t find joy in friendship or why I dreaded recess and lunch because that’s when it got bad.
Bad on the inside with the thoughts scrolling through my mind a million times per second.
Those are the same thoughts that keep me with the covers over my head and keep me from ever feeling happy or content or anything other than how I always wanted to feel
I just wanted to feel love in my heart and happiness in my veins and I wanted to feel like I’m worth something to this world so I won’t contemplate taking my life every night before I go to sleep because it’s this same routine
Everyone says it gets better but it’s been 10 years now and better is no where insight